Right now I am in dire straits with severe chronic illness that leaves me mostly bedridden.  I can barely get food for myself even when there are leftovers to be heated up, and can barely provide basic care for my pets.  My husband left me a year ago for a younger, healthier woman—even knowing that I would have no means of caring properly for myself.  He was emotionally abusive, so in the long run I know that I will be better off.  But he also provided financially for me (despite amassing a large amount of debt) and cared for my needs on the days that I was unable to.  Now I have no one to do that.  I have a few local friends who have tried to help me as best as they can, but they have family obligations and busy lives, and can only do so much.  My family does not speak to me, aside from one branch of extended family in NH who is dealing with their own set of challenges right now.  My aunt, my uncle’s wife in that family, died suddenly in Novemeber and that stress brought my illness to an even worse level than it already was. 

I have had Lyme disease the majority of my life, but managed to function well despite the pain and fatigue.  I began working at a young age, and often worked 2 or 3 jobs to make ends meet.  I survived an abusive first marriage and came back even stronger.  I used to be a very independent person who believed that I could do anything, and succeeded in whatever I set my mind to. 

Unfortunately, one thing I set my mind to was my second marriage--to a man who seemed to have it together but then turned out to have some severe mental health issues.  I was with him for 12 years, despite massive turmoil and emotional abuse.  I stayed because I believed that we were meant to be together, and also because he was getting help and I felt that the problems would get better soon since he was in therapy.  That did not happen.  Things got worse, as they did I developed fibromyalgia which continued to get worse.  Then, when I became too sick to work part time any longer and quit my job with his support to do so, he left shortly afterwards.   

I’ve spent much of the time I’ve been stuck in bed working on my self, as much as I am able to anyway.  Many days my fibro-related anxiety is far too severe to think about much, and I need constant distraction from the tv or phone chats with long distance friends to cope.  But I have managed to get to the bottom of the emotional issues that are either causing or flaring the fibro.  Because I cannot properly care for myself and have no one to do so, I do not feel safe.  When I was with my soon to be ex, things would constantly flip-flop between terrible and good.  So I would have brief flare ups with a short recovery period, and then be ok to do much more until another one of his “angry episodes” came on, then my body would fall apart again. 

Now, even though I do not have to worry about being verbally attacked in my home any longer, I have no one to do many of the practical things that he used to take care of.  Errands, meal preparation, pet care, yard work, etc. are all things that I often cannot do and struggled with for the first several months we were apart.  Finally the stress of dealing with this and also worrying about the divorce (i.e., where I would live, how I would support myself, etc) caused me to have a complete collapse in August.  Since then my heath has been even more tenuous and I have leaned too heavily on my few local friends to get by—often at the expense of their own families.  They can not do much for me, and I am desperate for help from elsewhere.  I have looked for any resource possible but after numerous phone calls it appears as though there just is no assistance in SC for this type of situation.  If I were elderly or terminally ill then I would have help, but not otherwise.

There are two primary areas that I need help with: 

Practical issues:

• Grocery shopping and other errands
• Meal preparation
• Pet care
• Transportation to doctor’s appointments
• Basic house work
• Having someone here for a time for me to safely take a shower (I dare not do this on a bad day for fear I will fall and no one will find me)
• Yard work

The other area may seem a bit odd, but please remember that I am suffering this because of the stress to my body from general fearfulness: 

Emotional issues:

• Having a support network of someone to call when my panic heightens
• Having a network of “helpers” to come and sit with me for a short visit regularly to help keep me from feeling so isolated from the world
• Having someone check in on me regularly to help me feel safe in the knowledge that if something were to happen, it would not be long before I was found
• Having someone to offer general encouragement

I strongly believe that with support and assistance, I will be able to heal and find the inner strength that I used to possess, and the power that I too willingly handed over to my ex.  I know that I can be happy and productive again, and long to re-become myself.